Some months ago, I found myself in a local bar with a friend. Lost for conversation, a pillar in the back of the establishment became the prime suspect of our discussion. It was intrusive. Stuck there. In the way. After a few beers I can recall asking some punter why it needed to be there and if anyone felt as inflicted by the pillar's presence as I. He didn’t seem to care, nor was he taken-a-back by it. It was only a pillar after all. ‘It’s probably a structural integrity issue.’ Not being familiar with construction lingo, I vowed to google structural integrity when I got home. The definition I found was practically poetic.
Structural integrity is the ability of an item to hold together under a load, including its own weight, resisting breakage or bending.
When I heard it, I found it instantly relatable. 'The ability of an item to hold together under a load, including its own weight.' I thought, humans have that same conflict. Iv'e been having it since ninety three. It seems as though often our biggest conflicts are not with externalities, but with ourselves. It took a simple explanation of a pillars structure to make me examine myself! And it hit me so hard. We're fighting our own weight at the worst of times. All of the doubts, the self-criticism and pressure we put upon our selves is enough to cause serious breakage on any human being. And we fall harder then any building or pillar. You just won't hear it. That little voice that say's 'you're not good enough' can't be underestimated, not should it be accepted. We're designed to adapt. We adapt to challenges, geographical chances and ecological opposition. That's evolution 101. Without challenge, we cannot grow. Muscle tissue is one and the same. But internal resistance is a unique challenge, one that's defined my generation and keeps me awake wondering who I am at three in the morning on a Thursday night. But if we can overcome that dark voice, we can surely overcome everything else.
If you're still at a loss, if you can't relate to this internal voice, I'm very happy for you. But if you've ever allowed you're first thought of the day to be strictly negative, read on. Imagine this. You wake up one gloomy morning, meeting the day with discouragment. A lack of excitement. You stumble into the bathroom, teary eyed, still half asleep and glance into the mirror. All you see is failure. All you see, is failure.
Why are we profoundly hurtful to
ourselves?
We go through our day with an inner
voice that hangs on our shoulder, uttering doubt and saying 'you can't'. And we
assume that to be normal! It’s insane that we not only expect that voice but
encourage its existence. And we do encourage it. Every time we choose to
believe the negative voice in our head, we are encouraging its existence. You'd
never talk to a friend like that, yet we willingly abuse ourselves? Take
writing as an example. It's something I'm new to, and it's an interesting
experience for me. I write a paragraph, only to berate myself immediately after
for what I’ve just written. Like a broken record, I build myself up only to be
torn back down. How much more fruitful would the writing process be if I could
write without self-depreciation. How much greater could any situation be if we could simply stop being
hard on ourselves. You are
not your thoughts. If I was mine,
I’d be a piece of shit. That’s not healthy. If we feed into that negative voice every day, we
allow it direct our circumstances and reaction to them.
Getting back to
structural integrity; my understanding is that in order for an object to
maintain stability, we need to study previous breakages in order prevent future
failure. Can you identify previous situations where the voice in your head has
largely prevented you from experiencing what could have been a better day? I
can, that's for sure. Are you going through the same motions of self-criticism,
day in day out? I'm not saying you need to force a smile or beat yourself with diluted positivity but you do need to be nice to
yourself. Don't beat yourself up every day. I challenge you to look in the
mirror in the morning and say one decent thing about yourself. I want you to
mean it. Find one thing and believe it. If you could see yourself the way others
see you, you would really know how much you are loved. You are intimately
designed and possess talents that set you apart from anyone in the entire
planet. That's pretty cool. Just think about that. Next time you're gonna beat
yourself up, just remember that you have a purpose on this planet and that
somebody, at least one person, thinks very highly of you.For everything
you dislike in yourself, there's an abundance of things people love.
We are not at the mercy of external forces, but rather wounds of our own self infliction.
Peace
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